haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
i feel like someone uncorked me like a wine bottle and pulled a living animal outta my arse.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
ironically, his detergent was also "small and mighty"
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
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