i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I think my AA sponsor just booty called me.
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
But really, someone with a penis give me attention before I start posting nudes on Instagram.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
Randomize
