I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Randomize
