the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
thanks for stopping by when you did. making a meatball quesadilla while high was a bad choice
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
And the cops told us we were all naked.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
Pants are for mortals
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
hey sweets how's ur crotch today?
Randomize
