Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I just tried to eat one of my ear plugs, thinking it was a cheese curl. I need it to be break RIGHT NOW.
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
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