Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
last nights makeup is better than no makeup at all.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Last I saw, they went for a smoke and only one came back. He passed out outside. I'm glad he's only 120lbs. I left him on the rug still. My mom is gonna be pissed.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Randomize
