think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
she broke up with me and one of her excuses was constant soreness... should I be sad or proud?
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
Do you have any pictures of me mounting animals that aren't on Facebook?
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
She definitely peed in a bucket in their closet last night. We should warn them about that, right?
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
Sorry my phone died. Obviously four o'clock in the morning is a good time to tell you this.
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
