I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
We're playing a drinking game to 'how to train your dragon'. has it really come to this?
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
