Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I'm starting to think my role in the world is to inject batshit crazy, mentally unbalanced chicks with a dose of normal sperm.
There's holes in the drywall and the beer pong table is a broken door on two barstools. You know they like to party.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
The Australian strangers convinced me to leave him behind when they started chanting Aussie Aussie Aussie, Oy Oy Oy, and told me they had a bunch of beer at their place.
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
