3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
