She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
Well, at least he doesn't refer to you as his associate. his mattress associate
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
