my sex list reads like a who's who of mcdonald's general managers
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
we walked in to her beating him with a broom while he was trying to sweep ramen into a box. there were packing peanuts everywhere.
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
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