Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Were playing bathroom attendees at the party and making people wash their hands
i made a dollar
There's a point around the one and a half minute mark where the keg stand goes from impressive to pathetic
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
Baked out of my mind. Went in the bathroom, a daddy long leg spider and a carpenter ant are battling it out on the floor. I brought my computer with some dubstep.
OMG THE ANT WON
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
