I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
It will be a surprise...all i can say is stripper clown
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
You insisted that your middle name was "velociraptor" for 20 minutes and every time someone said something you tried to relate it to velociraptors. That kind of drunk.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
Great, now I'm picturing myself as a fucking garden gnome
Randomize
