The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
Dignity is for republicans.
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
I think you're literally the first guy to ever pick up a chick from pinterest.
i think we sleep fucked last night...
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
