dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
The black hole just entered the party man, I can literally see guys starting to move towards her.
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
I'm really busy with my period
Randomize
