the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I just spent twenty minutes with brandons dad explaining why head isnt typically considered sex...can we say awkward?
She might as well just lie down with one of those red "Easy Buttons" next to her
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
I had sex on the roof of the dorm last night ... I feel like a combination of spiderman and van wilder
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Randomize
