im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
JACOB AND UGLY BROKE UP
i got excepted to unl lol
You mean "accepted".
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
He said "send me a motivational picture" so I sent one with mayo on my face that said "clearly I'm no stranger to white stuff on my face"...I'm the fuckingng worst
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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