What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
I know it's getting bad when I wash the bong more often then the dishes
I'm just trying to jam my tits into some coconuts and I'll be on my way
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
Randomize
