I puked in a mailbox on the way back from your house.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
his personality makes his face look like an asshole.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
I'm venturing to your corner of this sin house in t minus 2 minutes.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
Apparently I bought a laptop last night, then gave the laptop to a friend who was going to give it to her friends' friend to put some cool shit on it. Anyway, I have no idea where my new laptop is now.
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
