I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
after the fucking you spent twenty minutes vomiting naked and shaking your dick at my roommates. luckily, i don't remember that, or i'd have to be really insulted.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Aka reading hardcore gay robot porn as a steady trickle of elementary schoolers walk by me every so often and im still in uniform as there councilor
Who is also still dressed up as a pirate
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Omg. I checked my purse this morning and I'm pretty sure drunk me stole a frat guys tube of crest 3d white toothpaste. Like that's pretty fucked up but I think if I knew someone did that to me I'd probably still invite them over again cuz I'd be like, "this girl's creative, and has good hygiene."
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