Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
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