There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
She's the barista slut.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I feel like the first time i have to use my accident insurance its going to be in some sex mishap with you.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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