you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
So, I just pissed in her shampoo bottle. Hope she enjoys a late golden shower from me.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Well. I hope my dad likes whatever sweater stoned me picks out.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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