have you ever noticed that homeless people never have acne. suck it proactive
And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
