im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
Well my dea agent brother is visiting so I'm gonna get high and see if he notices
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
There's nothing like when u really click with a stripper
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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