Practice the "sorry I may have given you herpes" conversation with me before I call him and break the news
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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