She told me she got a 15 on her A.C.T.. that's when I knew it was a done deal.
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He lit his shirt on fire at the bar by putting a lit cigarette in the pocket to "save for later."
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
Game over. He has a paternity test request on his table.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
I've just realized that today's rations have consisted of turkey bacon and jack Daniels.
You where banging on the wall asking us where we hid the door...you then crawled under the deck thinking you'd be safe. I told you to eat the nachos before the party...I told you.....
Randomize
