if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Tomorrow morning i will black in to find a christmas tree in my room that i dont remember how i got. I love college
I only feel half bad for cheating on him because while we were fucking I was given great relationship advice and now I'm ready to work some things out.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Now you know my pain. Live with it. Own it. Recognize it. Cause its like shitting napalm.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
There was a huge crash. I came out of my room to find you sprawled out at the bottom of the stairs in your bra and panties. You looked at me, yelled 'WHAT AM I DOING WITH MY LIFE' and then ran back into his room.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize
