thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
My parents just told me I first got drunk when I was 4. Successsssssss
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
You fell asleep with your fingers in my vagina. You made this a relationship.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
So you told me to remind you that you vomited 3 times in the street because you would forget so here is your reminder
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
