i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
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