i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
VASECTOMY FOR THE WIN
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
