I think I just saw someone hide a body.
New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
