she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
Apparently, I woke up in the middle of the night, got up out of bed, dropped trou in the corner, squatted, and pissed on the carpet. When Eric heard, he thought it was the dog and started yelling, and I responded by saying "No no, its okay. It's me."
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
Ok so now that we've actually had sex do I get the last name or are u really witness protection status?
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
when ur drunk laser tag is all fun n games. try it high and all of the aliens in the galaxy want you dead.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
