a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
the reason why you were crawling on your hands and knees from room to room last night was because you thought the ceiling fans were chasing you...
that makes sense.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
be right there i have to get my cape
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
