that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
No clue what you did last night, sorry. You did hand me a pizza and a mason jar with $1200 in small bills in it when I let you in though.
Randomize
