I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
I just puked so hard I pissed myself. Outta my ass. I just won hangover of the century.
Oh my god. He likes it up the butt. But loves womanly support. Omg. Its bad. Its bad. Ive had too much whiskey for this to be ANYthing except bad.
You showed them your nipple for dollars for the jukebox. You were depressed because only one of your songs played. Oh then you twisted your ankle and blamed it on your mad stripper skills.
No shame in my game.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
Walking actually physically hurts. We should do it again some time.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
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