When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
His bootycalls folder in his contacts are divided into regions, we should have all become airline pilots.
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
you smell like vanilla and daddy issues
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