hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Spotify says I’m in the top 1% of Indigo Girls fans worldwide. Didn’t know I would peak this early.
Aren’t you trying to seem...less lesbian?
Randomize
