You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I was so stoned last night I got into an argument with your voicemail message.
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
He fucked me while I was smoking his blunt. His apartment was trashed and he drives a van that looks like it’s been hit by a train but still 10/10 would fuck again.
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