A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
Mid thrust he tells me that we have bio together
I'm pretty sure you can't just waltz into a walk in clinic and ask them to de-baby you.
Just saw a white bronco on my way home from work and the license plate said "NOT OJ"
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
