Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
She sent me a pic wearing only my batman cape. She stole my cape dude!
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
