guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
Who would have guessed that ordering a vodka lemonade at Roscoe's was code for I want a hand job
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
My serious response to your Cathy tattoo inquiry- Do you ever want to get laid by someone not wearing a Blossom style bucket hat? Tattoo accordingly.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I couldn't find my hair brush so I just brushed my hair with a cat brush. I should not be dating.
Just calling to thank you for not dying. I love you.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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