Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
I have a critically important question to ask.
Why does watermelon-flavoured candy exist?
idk if ive ever seen a picture of him on facebook with his pants on
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
We found him in the backyard throwing shoes onto the roof yelling "WHO BRINGS CROCS TO A HOUSE PARTY?!"
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Randomize
