I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
How do you explain to a guy that he's like a little puppy dog that you play with, but then leave at the shelter to go home to your German Shepard?
Wait is this black Chris #1, cocaine Chris, or gay Chris?
No this is saxophone Chris
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We are all yelling at the cat at our apt in nothing but our underwear. How do you think it's going.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Just had sex in the room next to my parents. Heading back to school ASAP.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
Randomize
