You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
she said my body looked tiny like it was a bad thing and then didn't even mention how great my tits look. it's like we're not even friends.
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
MY FUCKING CAT JUST GAVE BIRTH AND IM FUCKING STONED AND I FUCKING DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO!!!
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
My left boob kept making random appearances last night.
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I usually do that but weve been going unprotected with tribal fertility symbols painted above my door
Randomize
