actually, I'm a sock model
The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Not sure how a movie about Jesus has managed to make me feel insecure about my boobs but it has.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
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