Every perfect package comes with a warning label.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
A man and his most likely hooker just bought us Taco Bell.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
and i walked downstairs to find my brother using nunchucks, and making the appropriate noises. i simply asked "why"; his reply? "why the fuck do you think?". i love my family.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
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