Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
I almost hooked up with this girl last night. she had a tattoo of a cardinal next to her cooter. said it reminded her of her grandpa
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Packed at 6 am completely wasted. Damage assessment: 12 pairs of socks (no underwear), a flashlight, 3 shorts, shot glass, 8 sweaters, puff paint, one sneaker.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
There should be a guide book that probation officers hand out on "how to tell a tinder girl about your ankle monitor before she notices it at the worst possible moment"
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
Randomize
