direct quote: "i'm so over my clit" either best or most awkward conversation possible with your COUSIN
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
it's not cheating when I paid for it
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
You were with some girl. Your exs best friend. Your shirt was half undone and she was telling you to put your penis away. It wasn't out but you wanted to. Patron is your weaknes.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
I'm like still hungover from the quinceanera.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
Randomize
