He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
your like the ambassador to my penis.
I've lost all respect for marriage since I joined this bachelor party.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I sent two dick pics to a wrong number and one was in .gif format so it was helicoptering all over the place. I single handedly ruined a child's life.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Nothing says happy valentines day like waking up to a naked man you hooked up with taking a walk of shame
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
Randomize
