16 and pregnant actually makes me really happy that i'm gay
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
She abandoned me on the doorstep of her hostel. Turns out you can't bring one night stands into those places. Slept in a train station next to a tramp. He gave me chips. And didn't steal my shit while I slept. So I'm counting this one as a win
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I've run into almost every guy I've ever slept with today. It's like they know just how horny I am.
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