No - a douche bag is not a fashion accessory. They do not make Gucci Douchebags
cab driver says "I saw your friend who opens her legs. she went home with two guys." pretty sure he was talking about you
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
i think it would be like really awesome if scientist could genetically engineer manatees to be like the size of goldfish so i could have one in my fishbowl and be like FUCK YEAH TINY MANATEE
Bad news. I lost my teeth. Good news. I can still take a guy home sans teeth.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Fuck you asshole. You cost me cheerleader pussy.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I made him cum so hard he couldn't play video games for like an hour. I've never been more proud of myself.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
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