I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
OMg patrick swayze is the sexuest man he is killing me I'm gonna get dehydrated if I don't stop looking at him
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
grandma made pot brownies .. oh god bless us everyone
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
Hung out near hay bales in sweaters then she gave me a pumpkin spice pop rocks bj. That was so freakin' seasonal.
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
My mom and my boss just had a discussion on FB about the sexual habits of old people. The magic of the Internet.
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Randomize
