her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
remember that night we drank a bottle of vodka and went to mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu, twice?
we can't do that now- first b/c they got rid of that menu and 2 b/c we are broke now. damn this recession.
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
All that matters is I got the megaphone home safely
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Dude you were sitting in front of me eating uncooked bow tie pasta...
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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