my dad is going to jail this weekend
where are we going to get our weed from?
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
It was cool in an 'oh shit I'm gonna get arrested' way.
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That penis will go down in history. It's the Helen of Troy of dicks. I will conquer it and the tale will live on for future generations to learn from
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Angels sing when his face is between my thighs. I came 3 times before he even came up for air.
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
