Those strippers last night smelled great. It was the perfect mixture of vanilla and daddy issues.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Just saw some airport workers running through the terminal with liquor bottles. That's my kind of emergency.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
The sex may be the only reason I like him. I've confused the multiple orgasms for feelings.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
