Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
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