people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
we cant have a funnel and a dog. thats a lot of responsibility
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
i'm not too sure if he's up to my expectations looks-wise, but in the penis department he exceeds ALL regulations.
Randomize
