it really sends the message that i like to impregnate mortal women and have them birth fantastic half man-half god infants.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
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