i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
Who would we be if we didn't go out to drink during finals week? NOBODY
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Nothing like an alcohol-fueled, 6-hour-long hunt for weed--complete with occasional breaks for sex.
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
if it makes you feel any better you looked really comfortable while you were sleepin in the closet, atleast according to the pictures i woke up with on my phone
Just peed on the front lawn of the capital building. Great American.
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